Seven years ago, I gave birth to a baby boy. I was only 16. Since then, I find my self depressed and anxious around the time of his birthday. Well, his birthday was three weeks ago and I totally forgot it. I think that I just might be over the whole ordeal.
He went to a wonderful home where his family had been waiting over 7 years. His adoptive parents were unable to have children. Except, when they adopted my baby, something happened and exactly one year later, they gave birth to a baby girl who now shares the same birthday as her big brother.....I don't need much more confirmation than that.
My husband doesn't like to talk about the baby or the birth dad. Actually, no one in my family talks about it. So, I have a lot of junk built up inside. One of my friends recently told me that feelings buried alive never die....I believe her and I think this quote has actually helped me think through a lot of things.
I also think that I purposely try to sabotage my own marriage and family. I have a wonderful marriage and adorable daughter. I feel guilty that I finally got it right....why couldn't I give my first child what I have now? Lots of unanswered questions that I am sorting out....but I think I'm getting extremely close to closure... A. K. A. "getting over it".
Anyway those are my thoughts for the day....thanks for listening.
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1 comment:
I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason. I think you can learn alot from this lesson they say that there are no regrets in life just lessons learned maybe you can learn from your experience.
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